I have a complicated relationship with opioid pain meds. The first time I took hydrocodone I was 20 after a tonsillectomy, and it was the first time my body ever felt good. I wasn’t high. I didn’t even know what high felt like back then. I just felt happy in my whole body for what felt like the first time. The volume on pain and heaviness finally turned down, and I didn’t realize how badly I needed that relief until it arrived. Later, a lower back injury threw me into two years of searching for